Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
