I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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