dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
