i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
