I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
handjob tips. give me some.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
