I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
