my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
