You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
