Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
