People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
