you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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