Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
