When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
