if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
