so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
thus making me awesome and them whores
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
