First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
