your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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