Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We talked him into tasing himself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So vagazzling was a success
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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