Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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