I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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