I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
