im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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