I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
