wanna go halves on a baby?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
