Dual....:-)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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