worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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