Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
