90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
