You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
