She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
