She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
