Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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