just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
