my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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