You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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