turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
