I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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