i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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