you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
