Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
