Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
