I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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