the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
