my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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