I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
did i walk over a car last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
