btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they're like a gay fantastic four
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
