So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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