The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
