I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
