forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
